Ep 4: and THAT's not JUST a phase. 🌈

🌈 and THAT's not JUST a phase. 🌈

For Episode 2 of and THAT's a PRIDE convo, we're joined by Anthony, Momo, and Lizette to talk about the signs, the denial, the phases, and the moments that made us stop and say, "oh..."

Anthony delivers some of the most clip-worthy moments of the series, Momo helps us unpack the idea of phases and self-discovery, and Lizette does what any good friend in the group chat does—accidentally turns the conversation into therapy.

Along the way, we talk crushes, labels, realization stories, and the pressure of having everything figured out.

And yes, there were technical difficulties. Mics cut out, audio got a little chaotic, and at times technology reminded us who's really in charge. But honestly? It wouldn't be a gay podcast without at least one avoidable technical issue.

The audio may not be perfect, but the stories are real.

Welcome back to the group chat. 🌈☕️🎙️

Robert Thompson's TedTalk: 

Dragging Your Identity into Something Fabulous

Transcript

SPEAKER_07 0:00

Step one, turn 30. Step two, stop getting a bug. And that's a pod combo. I'm also gay.

SPEAKER_10 0:05

All T, all shade.

SPEAKER_07 0:07

She literally met me when I was married to a man. I was other people's phases. It wouldn't be a gay podcast without a technical issue. And that's a pod combo.

SPEAKER_10 0:18

Welcome back, everybody, to And That's a Pod Convo. We are on episode two of our Pride series, and this one is called And That's Not Just A Phase. With us, we have Lisette and Brittany. Say hi.

SPEAKER_12 0:34

Hello.

SPEAKER_10 0:36

And then we have Anthony. What's up, Anthony? And that's a pod convo. And that's a pod convo. Um my pronouns are he, him. We can go down the line. Lisette, Brittany.

SPEAKER_05 0:47

Uh she, her. She, her.

SPEAKER_10 0:50

Anthony. He slay. He slay. And Jed? He, him, and hot mess. Hot mess. Wow. Interesting. Emphasis on the mess.

SPEAKER_05 1:05

But actually, if I if I would want to do some clarity, uh Lizette likes to make a joke that my pronouns are I and do.

SPEAKER_04 1:18

Look, we we have like met people where she's like, I identify as bi, and I'm like, you identify as married, and your pronouns are I do. You need to stop saying. It's all like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:30

And they all start flirting, and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's not flirting. It's just talking. It's talking.

SPEAKER_05 1:35

We started that should also be clear that Lizette and I are married. We've been married for yeah, uh, it'll be four years actually in November.

SPEAKER_10 1:49

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

I remember I sang at the wedding.

SPEAKER_05 1:53

Yes, Jacob sang at our wedding. Should we also mention that too, Dick? That we are cousins. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 2:01

We are. We are cousins. I asked my cousin. I said, but you know what the crazy part is is literally I have so many gay cousins to choose from. I just was like, I needed the lesbian, male, bisexual marriage perspective. So that's why I said, let me go with my sheep. We were the selected ones. Yeah, you just you you really fit the token bill that I needed. So and that's also why you have five names in the podcast. Exactly. Exactly. And Anthony, how are you doing? How is your week?

SPEAKER_07 2:41

Great. Work was crazy, but I'm happy it's Pride, and I'm ready for a great Pride next weekend.

SPEAKER_10 2:47

So yes, Bocan Pride is next weekend. Jed, how how are you feeling?

SPEAKER_09 2:53

I'm doing well. I'm also very happy it's the weekend. And uh very excited for Pride to come in out. I think it's gonna be a really great year.

SPEAKER_10 3:03

I am I like am looking forward to it, but I might not even be here because I have a whole Bachelorette weekend thing, and then I am the man of honor, and I was like, oh be here. But I I am the only male in the party, so I might even just be like, you know what? I'm gonna go Thursday, Friday, Saturday morning. You guys, you guys can have a full-on girls everything, and I will just gracefully see myself out so then I can disgrace myself at the Pride event. Yeah. Saturdays for the boys. Yeah. So just diving into this episode, thank you guys for being here taking time out of your day. We with episode two, the and that's not just a phase, it's really dedicated to those that moment where the things start clicking. Where you have questioned yourself. We were in the closet in episode one. Um, and even Robbie, we talk about a little bit of the coming out of the closet, but this was that that moment where you're like, something is just I don't even want to say off, but just different. I I know that I'm either feeling things that are not normal to the outside world, um, and to yourself, even, and you're trying to put names to whatever in that realization phase of oh, oh, there's a name for this. And so we just kind of want to dive in. And and so I want to know first from Anthony, what was your queer awakening?

SPEAKER_07 4:44

It's so funny because mine is actually I had a girlfriend at the time. I was in eighth grade. Um, or I think it was actually the summer between seventh and eighth grade, and I was on the beach in uh the town that I lived in at the time, and there was a really hot guy with a six pack that was like running on the beach across. And turned my girlfriend, and then I just am staring at this man, and then I was like, Oh, little drool sipped out. Yeah. There's yeah, there's something going on here. Like that, I shouldn't be doing that. So and then he he told I had a realization in that moment.

SPEAKER_10 5:17

He told himself, I just wanted to look like that. What are you talking about? Like and then followed. I said that whenever I would when I was like, when I would see hot men or whatever, I was like, it's just I really want to look like that. And that I I I hid it under admiration versus like feel like feelings for men.

SPEAKER_09 5:42

Were you that boy that like stayed a little too long in the underwear section looking at everything, going, I just want to look like that.

SPEAKER_10 5:48

I did, I know, I definitely I did. That's such a true statement of like walking through the underwear section and be like, hmm. Interesting. It really was interesting. Oh Lizette Britney, what is your experience? Definitely a different experience.

SPEAKER_07 6:12

Come on, you never went through Victoria's Secret and you were like, okay, well, let's see.

SPEAKER_06 6:16

I don't know. I mean, I love that maybe. Well, first of all, I didn't shop at Victoria's Secret, so that was that's probably why there.

SPEAKER_04 6:24

Um, but yeah, no, I mean, if you wanna um I I mean, similar to what Jacob was saying, like I think I it was always like growing up, I always was like, oh my god, I want her hair or I want her body or I want you know, I just I just want to look like that. I want to be her. Um, and then eventually it turned to like maybe I don't want to be her, maybe I just want to be with her. Um, and that like, but that took a really long time because like I grew up in a very conservative Christian like household, my my dad's a minister, and so it was very like it was not even an option. It wasn't even like you know, it was not talked about, it was not, it was you're gonna marry a man, you're gonna leave the house, you're gonna, you know, get married, part of family. Um and I did get married to a man, and whilst married to that man for 36 days, I was like, oh no, actually, I hate this. I don't want this at all. I don't even like you as a person. And so um, I met her. And I was like, okay, so all these like feelings, right? Of like, hey, like I really like that girl. We're not, I want to like look like her. I I just like that girl.

SPEAKER_10 7:38

Um, and so she kind of no one well, no one wants to look at it.

SPEAKER_04 7:43

No, just joking.

SPEAKER_06 7:44

That is where so it was nice talking to you guys. Uh two out of three was nice talking to you. I'm telling mom.

SPEAKER_10 8:02

Oh gosh. All right. Um mama? Oh, this is Brittany, but we call her Momo.

SPEAKER_05 8:07

Yeah, sorry. Uh, should have said that seal. Um, so I obviously for me it was different because I don't identify as fully lesbian. Um, so I always had an attraction to men, of course. Um, and then um, you know, just like I was the person that they created, because I know that this will be a topic too, of like um movies and crushes and things like that. But like, you know, the mummy, we talk about how that was like your bisexual awakening, like it was absolutely mine as well too. I was like, I love both Brendan and Rachel, like they can both get it, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_12 8:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 8:47

Um, and then it wasn't uh however, I I obviously I felt a lot more comfortable acting on my feelings and my attraction towards men, uh, or boys, I guess, you know, in high school, high school, uh, and middle school.

SPEAKER_10 9:03

Um honestly, it's just voice always voice. That's how they act.

SPEAKER_05 9:07

Um, but I did like um there was like an encounter in high school where um there was this girl that was just like just giving me a lot of like attention and stuff like that, and uh, you know, doing a lot of like joking, flirting, and things like that. Um, and that's where I think that it like really hit home that I was like, oh, okay, like not only do I find this person attractive, but like I also like want to explore that a little bit more. Um and yeah, so that's kind of where it was just like, okay, yeah, no, I know for sure that I'm not like totally 100% straight. Yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_07 9:49

So was that do you identify as um yes, I do now.

SPEAKER_04 9:54

It's I I don't really put a label, but yeah, yeah. I we talked a little bit about this.

SPEAKER_10 10:00

Like I your pronouns are lesbian.

SPEAKER_04 10:05

Yeah, okay, lesbian is which is funny because out of the two of us, you would think maybe a little bit more the masculine, but uh I am like fully femme. And like I know you talked about this in your like last podcast too, like of like constantly coming out. I come out all the time, right? Because like nobody ever like sees me and is like, oh, this the like this person's married to a woman. Um, and so they always assume I'm married to a man, and I'm just like, oh gross, no, like uh never. And that reaction and that response is why she's a lesbian.

SPEAKER_05 10:40

It's actually kind of the same thing with me in relation to coming out as not fully 100% lesbian, you know, like that's also to the mistake that is that you know, like that's an interesting perspective of like, didn't we kind of talk about something like that?

SPEAKER_09 10:58

Right? It's like like people that are bisexual, it's like, oh well, you're with a woman, oh you're gay. Be like, well, no, I'm bisexual. Like, oh, or kind of like how bisexual women that are bisexual women that are married to men be like, oh, you're just straight, or you're just a little confused or curious, be like, no, you are bisexual.

SPEAKER_05 11:15

And I guess, like, for more clarity's sake, I actually identify as pansexual. Um, and yeah, there we go. So um, and um, and this this can kind of yeah, and this can kind of go into again like some of the conversations that we have as far as like phases, uh, because I guess, you know, asking that to me in high school, yes, bisexual, you know, like because that's what I knew. That's what I, you know, I felt the attraction towards men and men, men and women, like those two specific genders. But, you know, as I've gone through my life um and experienced and met different people and things like that, like I have found that like the attraction is not specifically on like the gender itself. And so, you know, like that has kind of been like a a newer development. I I wouldn't say that it was like anything of like a specific aha moment, but it was more so of like, I think that pansexuality describes my orientation better than just simply bisexuality.

SPEAKER_10 12:23

It was just like finding a name. I would 100% agree. Or like actually like putting a name to it.

SPEAKER_05 12:29

Right.

SPEAKER_10 12:30

Yeah, absolutely. Jed, what was your experience like?

SPEAKER_09 12:35

That is kind of I don't know, like hard to say. Cause like the first boy I kissed, I was like six. So like for me, like it was always like, no, I I like guys like I never really had a oh, maybe I like this, or maybe this is unusual. Like also growing up in an extremely conservative religious household, right off the bat was always told like that's wrong. So it's like you need to like hide it, repress it, whatever. But like I I don't know, I never really had the awakening. For me, it just it always was.

SPEAKER_10 13:09

Okay. Was there a coming out moment that you had that?

SPEAKER_09 13:15

I mean, like, other than like the regular like coming out, because like also I think we talked about this on our last pod. Uh like the coming out as bisexual due to like the air the safety area versus like the era like the confusion part or curiosity part or things like that. Cause also wasn't a grew up in a very country conservative area, so it was like, hey, maybe I won't get you know the shit beat out of me if I'm like, yeah, I like both versus like no because like Gold Star all the way um for myself.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

So it was like oh, you like women? Be like, I think that they're very pretty, and that's where it stops.

SPEAKER_06 13:59

Yeah, he does not skip yo once somebody says something about another gender.

SPEAKER_10 14:05

What's a memory that you have now that was seemed normal at the time, but when you think back about it, you're like, no, I yeah, that was a very queer memory of myself. Someone else knew before I knew, kind of thing.

SPEAKER_05 14:19

If you guys had well, I I grew up very tomboyish, so um, you know, like it wasn't necessarily like the biggest surprise, I guess is the best way to explain it. Um but like I was always just like a very active kit, you know, and I was always, you know, and like active in the sense that like I played just like a lot of sports. I was really close to my older brother, and so that most likely had a part in it. You know, I grew up with a single mom and six of us. So there was, you know, mom was at work the whole day, so you're just there with your siblings. And so my brother did things that I enjoyed a lot more than let's say my older sister who played with like makeup and Barbies, there wasn't really an interest in that for me. It was I want to play football, you know, explore, ride bikes, be outside. And I know that like growing up now, being an adult in this state of an age, like that doesn't necessarily mean at this point. I think we can all say being a tomboy does not necessarily indicate that you're going to be, you know, homosexual or have feelings for women and stuff. We've seen a lot of that in like public eye, you know, where you see like women playing these masculine sports, you know, something like rugby and things like that, even having like this more this body that may appear even more masculine, you know, as far as like muscles and and they are straight, you know, like they're they're married, you know, with men and children. But to me, that was kind of like I guess like a big indicator. For me, it was like, okay, yeah, like especially now that I am identifying as pan, it's like, yeah, you should y'all should have known. Like this is you know, like running around, you know, Ruckhausen people and stuff like that. Like it may have been a little bit more salient, I think, in my my parents' eyes, for sure.

SPEAKER_04 16:12

I think for me, it was like, how family friendly do we have to be on this podcast? Because like in high school, like when all of our friends started like experimenting with like different, you know.

SPEAKER_10 16:25

High school, I'm just joking.

SPEAKER_04 16:26

Um, well, no, and like just like my girlfriends were like having boyfriends, right? And then like they would experiment in like sexual activities and things like that. And like I would have like they would ask me about like essentially Fellatio, right? And I was like, ew, I don't want to put that in my mouth. Like, that's gross. And they'd be like, What do you mean? But they're like, What really?

SPEAKER_09 16:50

Like I mean, fair.

SPEAKER_04 16:52

I'm like, ew, gross. I don't want and so I we would joke about it and they would always be like wait, but hold on.

SPEAKER_10 16:57

They were they were in high school and were they like, Yeah, we do.

SPEAKER_04 17:00

Yes, yeah, and so it was like, you know, and and like I graduated in 2016, so like not you know, 10 years ago. This was 10 years ago, but um like yeah, it was we were like juniors and seniors in high school, and they were like, Oh my god, yes, it's the best. And I'm just like, I they pee out of that. I don't want to, um I don't want any part of that. Like, that's not not me. I thought they would be like, hmm, interesting. And I'm like, I I don't see what's interesting about it. I just don't want to.

SPEAKER_10 17:29

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 17:31

No, Anthony. Yeah, I have a different experience than everyone else, I feel like, because it was never like somebody had to tell me. Like, I I came out when I was 12 years old. It was pretty clear, and I was not gonna deny it. Like I grew up in northern Idaho of all places, so I get it. Like, Jed, how are people gonna take it and am I gonna die? But there was just no denying it. So, like, I've I've never really hid, like I never really felt like I needed to. So there was never like moments like that because I was like, you can call me gay or you can call me whatever. Like, I get it, because I am so Anthony, can I ask?

SPEAKER_01 18:07

What do you identify as I'm bi.

SPEAKER_07 18:11

Well, same as you. Like, I actually I say bi plus, but I would say I aligned more with pan because it's less about the person's like gender and how they present, more about who they are.

SPEAKER_10 18:22

Video, I don't know if it was on TikTok or like Instagram reels or whatever, but I think it's a podcast as well, and they're talking and they're like, Do you know what LGBTQ plus stands for? And they're like lesbian, gay, bisexual, whatever, right? They go through and they're like and plus sized people. They were like, That's not what that stands for. It doesn't you're like, no, no, and then they're like, Oh, can we still love them too? And I was like, What? It's like okay, sure, like, but there's room for everybody.

SPEAKER_09 18:56

Up I have a sibling who's sometimes not always just up to date on anything, who thought it was like Hulu Plus. It's like, there's you know, I don't know the LGBT, but then it's like all the other stuff, like the upgrade or what? And it's like you like a live stream, uh you get downloads or like pay for the update.

SPEAKER_06 19:18

There's no ads. There's no ads. If you pay the subscription, oh gosh, you get free access.

SPEAKER_10 19:27

So and so Anthony, you mentioned that you came out fairly young because there was just no denying it. I also don't think there was really no denying it either. I was actually telling a friend, I was like, yeah, growing up, I I don't know how my mom didn't know. Cause I wanted to be an actor, I wanted to be a singer. I would reenact Anastasia and I would play both Dimitri and Anastasia, and then I would run around with a t-shirt on my head as if it was hair.

SPEAKER_09 20:02

Oh my god, please tell me pictures exist. Please tell me pictures exist.

SPEAKER_10 20:07

I don't know if pictures exist somewhere. I believe I would have it. Yeah, no, I I don't know if they exist, but it was like I put whole production, I would like pick up the bed to where it was like slanted, like in the movie Anastasia, where they're like falling, and then I would be like, cut. And that's why, like, years later, and I we talked about this on the on the last episode. I like years later, finally, because coming out was just so dramatic. But I was like, mom, I be real with me. Like, you knew, like, you had to have known, because there's no, there's no way now that I look back at it, that there was like any type of hiding. And she was like, Well, no, of course I knew. It's just like it just wasn't normal. We grew up very religious as well. And so for me, I would say I struggled not so much with the realizing that I was I'm gay. Yes, love the dramatic pause that was there.

SPEAKER_02 21:09

Can you just answer the question?

SPEAKER_10 21:10

No, because there was a moment over COVID where I was like, am I just gay? I did come to this realization that I do believe from a very humanistic sexual standpoint, I'm very fluid. But from dating someone, I'm like, ill, I'm not gonna date a girl. Like, I I don't know, like the the sexual part of it doesn't bother me. It's the like there's gonna be makeup in the house, there's going to be like like hair, like extra hair all over the place. Like, I was like, So you leaving early, right? I was like, there most w exactly. Bald is beautiful, first and foremost. Thank you. Bald is beautiful. And also, I wear a hair piece from time to time because why not? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

And you look good with it.

SPEAKER_10 22:06

Like you look good both ways, by the way. Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 22:09

Uh that also makes sense of you leaving the bachelorette early because you're like hair, makeup everywhere. I'm dipping guts. I can auto-mantle. I can only handle two days.

SPEAKER_10 22:20

I'm sorry. I'm the I'm the gay that's their man of honor for the logistics. I get the logistics done, I set them up, and I say go have got it. But no, like um, but oh no, the tax credit no. Um, but I would say for me, I think the moment of finally accepting and saying it out loud were two different moments. Um, and I found the accepting more difficult than the actual like finally saying it out loud. So, what do you guys, all of y'all, feel was maybe the hardest moment for you? Because even at 12 years old, Anthony, like was there ever a moment that you did slightly struggle with I am gonna say this out loud?

SPEAKER_07 23:13

No, so I I didn't really get the chance um because the way my came like coming out story kind of happened was uh I at the time was not great with clearing my browser history because who thinks about that when they're 12. So on on the family computer, I even better found and my mom came to me and was like, Hey, so can we talk about this? Um so I didn't really even get a chance. But also, that it's not like I would ever deny it. Like I never had an issue saying that, I just didn't really know how to bring up the conversation. Um, so when she asked, I was like, Yeah, I'm bye. And then that's why I specifically wanted to do this episode, because uh it being about a phase, she was like, Well, if you like girls too, then it's just a phase, and you're just doing this to be cool. To be cool. Oh and I was like, That's oh yeah, because that gains popularity. We're in northern IM of all places. So uh I've had to fight that my entire life. Like it everyone thinks bisexuality is not even a thing in the first place. So I constantly, even with the closest of my friends, have to battle by phobia and like the bi erasure uh every single day. So I get it.

SPEAKER_10 24:29

I'm like, but like I'm like, it's I've maybe joked about it once or twice, but I believe you.

SPEAKER_07 24:34

Yeah, you're the problem. Yeah. So we uh had our conversation, I talked about it, and she was like, okay, we'll talk about it later. And like six months down the line, she checked in and was like, So, like, are you back to just liking girls? Like, uh, you're you're done with that, right? And I was like, that's not how that works. I still like both, but like I uh, you know, have men that I'm interested in and women that I'm interested in, so it's not ever gonna just like go away. Um, real quick though, uh speaking of like those moments, uh, I wanted to share something real quick. Um and I don't know, I'm so sorry, audio listeners only, but this is what really you can you can tell this is me when I was purchased.

SPEAKER_10 25:23

You are adorable. This is how you like there was no now. You guys have to go watch this on the Patreon. That's gonna be cute.

SPEAKER_03 25:33

That's really cute.

SPEAKER_10 25:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 25:35

Audio listeners, I'll describe it's me in a robe when I was five, holding my face, posing for the camera with my legs crossed.

SPEAKER_10 25:43

Like and if it wasn't the legs crossed, it's the robe that you probably, as you walked up and down the stairs, flared behind you. Like, yeah, I'm sure. I love that.

SPEAKER_09 25:56

It's like almost the same cutesy face as like the coffee tone.

SPEAKER_10 26:01

It is, yes, it is like the coffee tone girl.

SPEAKER_07 26:07

Later on, when we had a better conversation, this is the picture my mom pulled out and was like I knew.

SPEAKER_10 26:13

I love that. Uh Momo Lizette.

SPEAKER_04 26:16

Um, I I did not there, I have no pictures like that, right? Like um, actually, I have pictures exactly like that. Actually, all your pictures are all of our pictures are I I've had curves since I was like five. Like, and like I my mom would put me in B keys and like I'll take all these pictures. And like I went through phases in like middle school and high school where I would just like talk to boy upon boy upon boy upon because like I that's just what I thought like was normal. Um, and I remember in high school like constantly having these conversations with my mom because anytime she saw any queer couple on TV, she'd be like, Oh my god, why do they why did why are they everywhere? Why do they have to be on TV? Why blah blah. And I used to watch the show.

SPEAKER_10 26:59

We're like literally nowhere. Right.

SPEAKER_04 27:00

But well, I used to watch the show The Fosters Growing Up, and like they have gay moms. And so, um, and I remember having these conversations constantly with her, and I'm like, mom, why what if one of your kids was gay? Like, what if like you have four kids, so that's the chances are like you know, yeah, you hear me at least one and so and I never like thought that it would be me. I would just, I would just constantly like you know, like come to their come to nobody's aid, like just just this defending just defending no one, like it's like what if one of your kids was gay? And then like finally, when I came out to her, like it was the most explosive, like I've ever seen her. And it was the bravest thing I ever had to do. But it was also like I was leaving my husband that I we she had just gone to the wedding for, right? Like literally a month and a half earlier. Um, like, and we I had a one-year-old, right? And so this was like huge for her, like because she had no idea. I had no idea, right? It was just very like they, I was like, hey, by the way, I'm leaving him. Like, I'm getting a divorce, like I don't, I hate it. I'm so unhappy, I'm so depressed. Like, if I don't leave him, I'm gonna leave this world, essentially, right? And like, so yeah, this can't happen. And so she like guilt with me and she was like, No, you have to stay for the kids. And I was like, ew, gross, never that, never that. So I'm like, no, I'm actually leaving for him. Like, I want him to see a happy mom, and he's not seeing that. And he's old enough now to where like he's gonna feel the emotions, right? He's gonna feel that I'm unhappy. And so I was like, no, I can't. It was very, we didn't talk for like a year, like it was very ugly. Um, and so we she was in my life already at this point, Brittany. Uh, and so she helped me through it a lot. It was just like it was it was very, a very hard time because me and my mom were always super close. And then it was just like this huge, and now that I like look back on it, it was a huge thing for her too, right? She's like, oh my God, my daughter just got married to a man. Now all of a sudden she's leaving him and she's dating a woman. Like a lot of changes for her. So like I understand how you know that would have been. But it was one of the bravest things I ever had to do in my life. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do of like having this like one moment of like, mom, I am like, I have feelings for this woman. Like I really like I love her. I've never felt this way for anybody else, like, not even the person that I'm married to, right? And so it was very like, I think eye-opening for her. Eventually she came around. We are now on very good terms. Um, but it definitely was like just this pinnacle of my life of like, I have to blow up my entire life for me to be happy. And like, I think that at that moment, I was like, I that's what I have to do, right? Like, this is this is it's just gonna have to happen.

SPEAKER_10 29:57

Yeah. I have a question real quick because you said, like, when you would ask your mom, like, what if one of your kids was gay? And like you, you said very specifically, like, I was just out here defending no one, but do you think like subconsciously probably you were trying like to poke around, like yeah, and and I think her saying these things, that's how I knew I was unsafe there, right?

SPEAKER_04 30:20

Like, I couldn't be myself in a place where like this was constantly being questioned. Um, and like up until I got married, I was fully under their like monetary control, right? Like they paid for everything because in our house, like traditionally, you don't leave your house until you get married. Um, and so you don't live by yourself ever. She was like, No, you're not getting an apartment. Like, I I got pregnant at a wedlock, right? A whole thing. Um, I still lived with her. Um, and like I like they controlled everything. They, you know, my car, my insurance, everything. So finally, when I got a job and like got my own money, got my own apartment. That's when I went to her and was like, oh, hey, by the way, you know, I'm gay. Because you had a place to yeah, because I could do to escape to or something. And I was like most by then it was it took me three months to get completely out from under them. Like I had like my own place, my own car, I had my own insurance, I had my own phone. Like it took months, but I still was like, okay, now I'm in a place where like I feel safe enough to be like, because I knew that if I would have come out to them while I was there, I would have gotten everything. Like I would not be able to go back to college. I wouldn't, you know, the whole everything. So I was like, I have to be completely on my own before I drop this bomb. And that's what I did. And I like did it like in just like the the best way I could, but absolutely I think that down, deep down, I wanted to like kind of gauge how safe I was in this house and like could I be myself? Could I like say these things right without a backlash? And and I knew I couldn't, right? Like my the very first, my very first uh presidential election that I was able to vote for was the first Trump election. And my dad drove me and he voted for Trump. And so I was like, it by the way, my dad, my stepdad's white, but um, I was like, I'm just going, I was like, I'm just going to cancel out your vote. Like, if my if my only job is to cancel out your vote for the rest of my life, I will do that. Like, so like he drove me there, and I was like, Well, too bad, your vote doesn't count because I just voted against you.

SPEAKER_10 32:23

Um, and it's um it's very interesting though, because I think like with you also saying that you look back and you realize this was a change for her too. And let's just let's just even put the LGBTQ being lesbian aside, like like your dad, you said, is a minister. Yeah, so even just the idea of getting a divorce was already probably like a big bomb show in such a traditional, like yes.

SPEAKER_04 32:54

Oh, and we had we talked about it. And then yeah, because it was like and then you go, Well, I'm also I'm also gay, I'm also a lesbian.

SPEAKER_10 33:02

No, yeah, it was really big.

SPEAKER_04 33:04

Well, and like this is my mom's second marriage, and so I actually brought that up while she was like she was like, Oh, you should be a hypocrite, and I was like, Mom, I'm in your wedding pictures. What are you talking about? Like, you can't talk to me like that.

SPEAKER_10 33:16

Like, my your wedding pictures are like, what do you mean?

SPEAKER_04 33:21

And like, yeah, so exactly. I was like, you cannot be a hypocrite right now. Like, and she was literally she would when she got a divorce from my biological father, her church shunned her, her whole town shunned her. She had to leave the town because she lived in Mexico. And so I was like, This is how you're making me feel. Did you like that? Did you like when like your whole town shunned you away from like where you like, no, obviously you didn't. Why are you doing that to me? Right. And so she was like, You're right, you know, and so eventually we like got to a place, an amicable place. But yeah, I was like, Why are you? I'm come on, like uh this is your second marriage. How are you gonna tell me that I can't get a divorce? Like, but yeah, exactly. And and like this was my dad's third marriage, so I was like, shut up. Like, shut up.

SPEAKER_10 34:04

Okay, wow.

SPEAKER_04 34:05

Right.

SPEAKER_10 34:06

Oh, that was no room. Together, together they have five different marriages. Right, right.

SPEAKER_04 34:11

Well, and she responds Hispanic, so I'm like, you're also dating outside your race.

SPEAKER_10 34:15

Like if we're gonna get real biblical here, and and you eat fish on Fridays or whatever. Like, yeah, no, yeah. I was like, well, someone suiting fish.

SPEAKER_05 34:27

Well, and actually, that too was like kind of what led to you even getting married in the first place was just like getting pregnant at a wedlock, and there was like that pressure of like having to make it official.

SPEAKER_04 34:40

No, yeah, it was like you have to marry him. And I was like, I don't want to. And so I waited as long as I could um until finally they were just like, no, like it's time. And so I was like, okay, and then I got married, left the house, and I was like, bye, I'm not married anymore.

SPEAKER_10 34:54

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 34:55

That was a lot.

unknown 34:56

Sorry.

SPEAKER_10 34:59

Yeah. So we just created a space for you to just share and moment.

SPEAKER_06 35:04

We appreciate that.

SPEAKER_02 35:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 35:07

And that was about combo. So it was definitely a little bit different for me as far as like coming out. Um, I so backstory is that you know, I grew up predominantly with my mom, uh, single mom. And then I later on met my dad, which is Jacob's uncle, uh, when I was 13 years old. And so um, by that time he was married, he had a kiddo. Um, and his wife at the time was pregnant with my little sister. So that right there was uh was a a bombshell within itself. Um but when so like a lot of like the relationship with my dad um was just kind of like feeling him out. Like my dad can be perceived as really intimidating when you first meet him, when you first like have conversations with him and things like that. Um, and I remember um in high school, I went to a I went to prom with one of my best friends, um, which we kind of dated for a little bit, and then he turned out gay. So that was that was cool. Um and like I remember because my dad was like, oh, like is that your boyfriend and blah blah blah? And I was like, no, he's gay. And my dad's like, you know, um, and I think he just was was just asking it innocently, but like not so much, but you know, kind of to what Anthony said of like, how does he know that? Like, how does he know he's gay? Like it's just the phase, you know, like he's you know, a kind of thing. And it's like, and I was kind of thought about like, oh, so like that's how you feel about that. Good to know, you know. Um, and so he was actually the last person that I came out to. And I I I wish I could, it's not funny, but I wish, I wish I could go back in time and do it differently. Um, because I feel like I kind of copped out on coming out to him. Um, this was already when I was in a uh serious relationship with another woman, and I wanted to bring her home because I lived in San Antonio and they're they live in Laredo. And I wanted to bring her home for like a family event and stuff. And I was like, well, this is the time to say that, you know, that this is like a girlfriend of mine. And so uh, but I did it through text message because I could not face like uh any potential disappointment, like or anything like that. And so it was just like, I need to get it all out, I need to write it out. And so I did it. Um and it was honestly the worst case scenario because I sent the message and he did not respond. And he did not respond for hours, and so I began to freak out.

SPEAKER_10 37:46

He's probably calling my mom, right?

SPEAKER_06 37:48

I began to freak out.

SPEAKER_10 37:49

No, what later ended up happening he's probably like he's like, Your kids, what happened? How did you do it?

SPEAKER_06 37:57

And uh, well, no, what ended up happening was that his phone died, and he had to get a brand new phone that same day. So, like, what the hell?

SPEAKER_05 38:06

Um, but like I freaked out and I was like, I messaged my younger brother, and I was like, Oh my gosh, it just came out to dad, and he hasn't responded. Like, I don't know what to say or do. Um, and then I reached out to my stepmom also through text.

SPEAKER_10 38:19

Because again, guys, wait, did you had you told me I told my I told my siblings, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 38:26

And I think I had told you guys I had told my cousins knew, my siblings knew, yeah, but my dad was the last one to know. Um, and um, but yeah, and so he had um, and then he didn't respond back.

SPEAKER_06 38:42

So I even messaged my stepmom and I was like, I'm gay, like it came out to dad, I have a girlfriend, and he hasn't responded back, and I hope everything's okay and stuff.

SPEAKER_05 38:52

And she was super sweet. Like my my stepmom is really great, and she was like, We love you, Miha, like you know, no matter when nothing will change. And then dad responded back, and he's like, I love you, nothing will change and stuff. So it was a really great experience, but that's hard in his own.

SPEAKER_06 39:07

I was shitting bricks, okay? Like, I was like, That's it, he's gonna disband me forever. Like, he doesn't love me, disown me. Yeah, he's gonna disown me.

SPEAKER_05 39:17

Um but yeah, so that was, and I felt like coming out to my dad was like the hardest thing that I because of like what he meant to me. Um, so everything else after that was easier, you know, like everything else seemed uh okay, you know. Uh, and I know that you had mentioned that in your your previous podcast about like how, you know, being gay, being queer, you essentially have to come out every single time that you meet somebody, right? You know, whether it's like uh announcing that you're my wife, you know, or something like that. Um that seems so much easier to do after that shit storm that I went through, you know, of coming out to my dad. Because, you know, um, and yeah, so I mean, uh, that's kind of that was my coming out story.

SPEAKER_10 40:08

Can I just say can I ask a personal question that might be a little deep? Okay. Do you think the like extra pressure or like the fear you had also stemmed from not knowing him for so long, meeting him, and then being afraid that that would like re like put distance between absolutely, absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 40:34

Um, I mean, I the I've done a lot of unpacking, a lot of therapy, uh, unofficial therapy, because I actually don't go and see a counselor, but I do recommend you guys going.

SPEAKER_02 40:44

Uh I actually am a used to be a counselor.

SPEAKER_05 40:49

I was like on track uh to be an LPC. Um, but uh I've definitely done a lot of unpacking of like that there's just a different dynamic of my relationship with my dad versus like my siblings and you know my my dad. And I'm remembering. And I actually remember um, you know, like talking. I made a joke to your mom, my the about like me being the um like the outcast child or something, you know, like the black sheep. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, you know, rainbow sheep. Um, and like my the was like, no miha, don't say that. Yeah, your mom, right? And she's just like, don't like don't think that way or whatever and stuff like that. And it's just like I can't help it. Like it's I don't spend every day with him. You know, I don't know, he doesn't know my day-to-day. He doesn't, you know, like the communication I have with him is through text message or calls, and we weren't very good about that. And both of us are to blame with that. Dad's really hard to get on the phone, he's a very busy man. Um, and me, there wasn't just really as much effort into it either. Um, so like, yeah, no, that was definitely like a really big driving force on whether or not, you know, I would be the disappointment, you know. And it's like, yeah, you know, um, and like what he thought about it too, you know, is like the maybe his own impression. Cause my dad, too, like he's such a I don't even know how to describe him. Like, he can be very much. And I I know that that is something that like Jacob had a lot of experience and encounters with, which may also have led to you maybe not being as open about like your sexuality as well, too. Cause my dad was like heavily influenced in Jacob's life as well, too. Um, and he he also joked, he's he's a big jokester, and sometimes he would joke about things that were like inappropriate, you know. Um, like in today's age, you would get canceled for, you know. Uh yeah, but you know, yeah, but like he um but we keep that within the family, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 42:53

Right, right. Just don't don't say those things. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 42:56

Um, and you know, and like these are things, and you know, and he would always chalk it up like I'm just joking, like it's just a joke and stuff, and it's like, yeah, dad, but like those actually carry weight, like that, you know, something and you don't know how it's impacting what someone's experiencing or going through.

SPEAKER_10 43:13

Exactly. And so, like, yeah, like making those jokes can be when you make jokes about something as specific as someone's race, gender, or sexual orientation, like it it you just don't know who you're affecting. Like, um, and you don't know people's backgrounds unless you like and even at that, I would say that as a queer person, you meet people and you still show them even a safety net version of yourself first until you really, really feel safe. Like feel safe. Um, whereas I don't know, maybe Anthony is like, nope, this is what you get. And if you don't like it, then like fuck all of y'all. Like Jed, do you have anything to add to that? He's like, sorry, I fell asleep.

SPEAKER_09 44:06

No. No, I've been on mute because uh handling a tantrum at the moment.

SPEAKER_05 44:12

So um, yeah, no, I mean I just uh it it's just a different dynamic, and I recognize it. Um I do think though, and I'm curious, Anthony, if like maybe you felt that way of you know, like this is me and everything, because you also had the and I could just be putting words in your in your mouth too, of like the safety net of still potentially ending up with a woman, you know what I mean? Like because you have that attraction, you have that. So it's like I I'm still attracted to women, you know, uh, but I also like men as well too. And to where like the coming out maybe wasn't as big of a deal because it's like, you know, if your parents wanted you to marry a woman, there's still that potential, there's still that possibility of that happening later on down the road.

SPEAKER_07 45:01

No, it's more of just a no fucks given life, I would say.

SPEAKER_10 45:06

So one, your safety. I I don't need that, I cut it myself.

SPEAKER_07 45:11

Like, no, I yeah, well, like, okay, so I have to explain a couple things. One, um, I also am Hispanic Puerto Rican. I come from a Hispanic background from my dad's side, but he pieced out when I was really young. So he had left like a couple years before I'd come out. So it was really just my mom. Um, and I was never worried that I'd be like kicked out or anything for it, but like I also I would have just figured it out. Like, I've always been able to just figure things out in my life. So if that ever happened, like I wasn't worried for that. Like, I we'd we'd get to someplace. I had friends that had very supportive families, so I wasn't ever fearful. Not that she was ever that level either. Like, my mom is a lot of things, but she's not that terrible, I would say. But either way, that clarifying word that she has that she has a few moments, don't we all? She has some opportunities, but she's a yearly review.

SPEAKER_10 46:08

Otherwise, but you're these are this these areas are where you're exceeded expectations as a mother. There are some opportunities, and here maybe maybe it's near the dramatics.

SPEAKER_07 46:20

Okay, and I mean so it wasn't ever like a worry of like, did I want to live up to their expectations or not? I didn't care about their expectations. I didn't care about anyone else's expectations. I lived my life for myself, and I recognized that at a really young age. So it was more just like, this is what it is, like you have to deal with it. I I feel like I had a really good mindset in that space, like as a queer person, always, that it's not my problem to deal with. It's not everyone else's problem to like figure out or handle. It's just who I am, and either you're gonna accept that and be part of my life or not. And move on.

SPEAKER_05 46:58

Do you feel like that was like from your mom, you know, like your upbringing, and like was she defending you? Was she like, you know, not trying to change you either, like as a person, you know, like I would say like 50-50.

SPEAKER_07 47:13

I had a really supportive mom growing up because, for example, like with religion, it was never like you have to go to church or anything. It was like, okay, you figure out what you want to believe in, yeah, and I'm gonna support you for that. So that side, but also uh I really didn't have much of uh like any type of support growing up. Like from the age of six, my parents both worked. My mom worked a late shift, I would only see her 50% of the time because my parents were divorced anyways. My dad worked as well, so I really feel like I raised myself. Like I would see my mom maybe two or three hours out of every day, um, just with her work schedule in school. So like I got it.

SPEAKER_05 47:54

So you're pretty independent and like self-sufficient.

SPEAKER_01 47:58

Are you an only child? Sorry.

SPEAKER_07 48:03

Yeah. Uh well, until later on in life.

SPEAKER_10 48:06

I think that's very interesting because I on the next episode, um I want to tackle the toxic traits that we we kind of gain sometimes, whether it be in uh becoming who we are, defending ourselves, living in this world that really wasn't originally designed to hold space for us, things like that. And one of the things I think a lot of queer people, a lot of people go through, but a lot of queer people go through is this hyper independence. Cause you sometimes realize like I'm not in a space where people are gonna be here for me. So I need to be here for me. I need to do what I need to do to survive. I need to like it's either that or you you're not on this world in this world anymore. And so I think we do that hyper-independence on our journey to find the people we're uh we're like our chosen family. Um, but then I think along the way we do struggle to then build certain relationships with even people within our community because there's just like if I couldn't even trust my family to be there for me or my family to support me, how can a stranger that I like I'm just meeting do that? And I think that it just stems from a lot of like prior trauma, so on and so forth. So that's something definitely I'm gonna tackle in the in the next episode. Um, but a couple of deep questions coming through um next is do you think, especially now in today's day and age, that there is still or has there ever been a pressure to have everything figured out in terms of your sexual identity?

SPEAKER_05 49:50

Yeah, absolutely. Um, I think that even you know, identifying ourselves now, like in this podcast, you know, it's like I have to have an answer for uh what my sexual orientation is, and this is why.

SPEAKER_10 50:05

Then you don't have to then you don't have to be on the podcast.

SPEAKER_05 50:11

That's the intention behind it. You know, that's the that's the part there. And you know, like one thing that I did want to make sure that like being on this broadcast uh is that like I think that everyone goes through phases. Um, and I think that your phases don't necessarily need to define you either, you know, like you you can absolutely get life experiences from a phase that you went through, but like we are all currently living in a phase right now, you know, like the we're living in a current phase of our life right now. So like literally everything is a phase, if you really think about it, you know. Um, everything is a phase. Um, you know, there was a phase where I dated men and then that phase ended, and then I started dating women, you know, and stuff.

SPEAKER_10 50:57

And so like it doesn't necessarily mean and now we're married and you're not dating anybody else. Um so then so then if there's it's kind of I don't know, I feel like when people are like, Well, if everything's important, nothing's important. So then so okay, but could it go back, could it go back to if everything's a phase, then truly is it a phase, or is it just we're literally becoming who we're meant to be?

SPEAKER_05 51:30

Well, I think that like you know, we go through experiences because experiences and phases, aren't those also essentially the same thing as well, too, right?

SPEAKER_10 51:39

Or can we reframe to their milestones there?

SPEAKER_07 51:46

Excuse me, you're a swifty, everything's gonna be.

SPEAKER_10 52:08

We're gone. Yeah, right. So, or that's why it's like instead of something just sounding a little bit more negative, like a phase, like that's why I was like, maybe it's a milestone. We have accepted who we are. We're we're I'm dating men, even though that's not a milestone. That's that's a that's a chapter, but that's okay, yeah. And that's a pod combo, but yeah, so that's why I I think yeah, and that but that's where I was just kind of like going with that.

SPEAKER_05 52:38

Well, and I I think that that's fair. Um, I I like that. I like using it of like, yeah, a phase of something that maybe does come to an end. Um because like I I also think too that people should have the freedom to experiment and explore without there having to be a title to it, you know what I mean? Like um, I like to I I especially like to joke a lot with machisimo men who are like, you know, that's gay or whatever and stuff like that. And I'm like, well, how do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it before?

SPEAKER_01 53:10

You know what I mean? Like and they get so mad at that, yeah. You know, uh, but that's fine, but you can't necessarily say that smells are disgusting if you've never tried it. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05 53:20

Like, yeah, so yeah, and and also those types of experiences should not necessarily define like your orientation in general, you know. And I feel like women have a lot more freedom to be able to do those experiments without it being defined. How many women in this lives have probably said, Oh yeah, I've hooked up with the girl before, I made out with a girl, and they don't necessarily, yeah, you know, and they don't necessarily identify themselves as being, you know, any kind of like bisexuality, homosexuality, they still don't define themselves as being straight. Um, and that's totally fine. Like, that's okay, you know, like it's it's okay to experiment and to do those things and just to try it to see if it's something that you would consider doing or consider, you know, making as part of your identity later on down the road. Um, but obviously it's I think it's a lot more difficult for men to do that, to experiment without having like being chastised for being gay, you know, and like you hear that a lot in just like terminology and jokes. And I feel like that's something, if anything, that's what I would really like for pride to be mostly about, you know, just like unapologetically yourself, open to trying whatever, you know, um, open to people who are just going through, you know, and like just trying it and it not being the true definition of what they are and who they are, you know, like Lizette was married to a man, you know, but like that didn't necessarily make her bisexual because now she ended up with a woman, like she's a lesbian, you know, and so like that experience, that face, if we're gonna use that because it did end, but like that's not defining her sexuality, like she is, you know what I mean? Like, kind of make those types of those points.

SPEAKER_10 55:09

Anthony, I have two questions for you. Can questioning still be a valid identity experience?

SPEAKER_07 55:16

Momo, you answered this, but I would say absolutely, because uh I I would also consider that part of the like buy plus umbrella, honestly. Um you gotta figure it out for yourself. And I that's why, like you were saying, like when you don't get the chance to actually try things on and see what they actually like. So I absolutely think that's valid. Go figure out what you enjoy and what you don't, like don't let $20 is $20.

SPEAKER_10 55:45

Like yeah, and then Anthony, what is something that you think people should stop saying to questioning people?

SPEAKER_07 55:59

Uh asking about it, like, hey, is this you know still going on? Just ask how people are doing, check in on your friends if you truly care about somebody, it's about supporting them. Um, so I would say just like be there for somebody if they're in that situation, how are things going with that for you? Is a better way to ask that than is that still advanced?

SPEAKER_10 56:24

I think that that's valid. That's great. Uh speaking of choosing your words appropriately, just unlike Josh. Josh will be back on a later episode. Question for the group What advice would you guys give to someone trying to figure it out?

SPEAKER_11 56:42

I know.

SPEAKER_10 56:43

Damn, that's a tough one.

SPEAKER_09 56:45

Trying to figure it out.

SPEAKER_08 56:46

I know we're all we're all sure.

SPEAKER_09 56:49

Go through it. Go through it, go through all of it, the goodness, the good parts, the bad parts, go through all of it.

SPEAKER_05 56:55

Yeah, um, and I will also say, too, that like I I think what really helped me a lot too is my chosen family, you know, like your friends, the people that are showing you that unconditional love, you know, um to trust them, you know. Um there might be something that is like holding you back, you know, um, that's preventing you from saying it out loud. Um, they're your chosen family for a reason, you know, like you chose to be a part of their life, they chose to be a part of your life. Most of the time they're gonna accept you, unless they don't, and then they're not really your chosen family to begin with. So that'll also be very telling. And that was a phase. Yeah, and that was a phase, and that phase ended. No. Um yeah, I think that that is what really helped me uh along the way was just having my chosen family who was just accepting me and everything that I was going through through all of my phases in life that it ended.

SPEAKER_04 57:54

Yeah, yeah, you're really big on like chosen family, I think. Um I would say like going through because I was older, right? Um, had already been through a few phases in life by the time that I was kind of like, okay, maybe this is my path. Um, and I honestly like found a lot of like online support through like different TikTokers and like different like Instagram and Facebook, you know, like uh couples and people who would just really like support, and these are like strangers on the internet, right? But that's where I found a lot of that support. Um and I came out like I'm sorry, I was like, how Gen Alpha. Right, no, absolutely, and like I'm millennial, like right on the cusp of millennial and Gen Z. Um, but I came out during COVID where TikTok had like blown up, right? And so it was like that, it was just like all these, and on my for you page was just a bunch of lesbians, and I was like, hmm, maybe.

SPEAKER_08 58:54

Oh my algorithm.

SPEAKER_04 58:57

What's going on?

SPEAKER_08 58:59

Do you do clear your cases?

SPEAKER_04 59:01

Like I cleared did not. Um, but it I I found like that support and that community there, um, more so like because there was no community in real life, right? Like you could not talk to anybody. You could um and so it was just like, okay, I'm gonna like look for the and then like even reconnecting with like old college friends and like old high school friends and stuff like that that I knew were safe places was really great for me to just like be able to find a safe space in like this tiny little, you know, spot of my life where in real life like that really wasn't possible. Even like don't like discount these like strangers that like don't even know you exist, right? Because they are putting like content out there for a reason, especially some of these like very supportive, very like outspoken people and couples and stuff like that that just want to be supportive of anybody in this walk of life, right? And this going through these experiences, uh awareness and yeah, and just bringing awareness exactly, and like bringing attention to it and like, hey, like I think that pride is important because there is somebody out there who thinks they're better off dead than gay, right? Um, or who is in a very unsafe space right now, that the closet is the safest place for them, and that's absolutely okay. Sometimes it is a waiting game of just like waiting until you can be financially stable and like more independent and to find that like safe space for yourself. Uh, and if that right now is like a little bit more hidden, then stay there, right? Like it doesn't necessarily have to be this big thing if you don't feel safe enough, if there's not a someone there to catch you at the on the other side.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:42

Mine's so much easier. It's step one, turn 30. Step two, stop giving a fuck. Turn 30 in life. Stop giving a fuck. No, but at 30, you stop giving a fuck about things in life, and it's so freeing. But more realistically, just do things that provide you value that make you happy, and stop worrying so much about what everyone else has to say.

SPEAKER_05 1:01:06

Easier said than done, though, right? It's like don't think about the tumultuous like ending that could potentially blow up when that's all you can think about. You know what I mean? So, like, that's definitely a lot easier said than done, I think. Um, but I mean, yeah, if you can get there, for sure, get there.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:26

All right, we are gonna go into a rapid fire round called and that's spilling it. First celebrity crush. I think Jennifer Annis there. Brian Reynolds. Oh, okay. That's a good one.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:40

Oh, bisexual secure.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:43

Vanessa Hudgens at the time, like Hudson musical at the time.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:47

Oh god. I haven't heard that name in a minute. Uh for me, Jensen Ackles.

SPEAKER_06 1:01:54

Uh super happy.

SPEAKER_10 1:01:55

Yeah. Um, I actually never really had a celebrity crush.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:00

Get one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:02

Um, I would say as I like was older or am older, I definitely liked Chris Pratt, but then I found out he's problematic. He's insane. But it attracts with the people I kind of tend to.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:16

Um, anyways. I thought you were gonna say Kit Cotter from Heart Shopper.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:21

Oh okay. Well, that was weird because I needed to know when they started filming that though, because I was like, No, they're of age, they've been of age. Okay, because yeah, like I was like, that's always weird for me. Anyways, um, golden retriever or black cat. What energy do you give?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:38

Do I give or do I attract?

SPEAKER_10 1:02:41

That you give.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:42

I give probably black cat. I think you're a golden retriever energy, yeah. For sure.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:48

Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:49

What would you say I give off, John Jacob? I think you and I, because I was gonna say this, I think you and I give both energies depending on who we're I didn't know if that was an option. I would absolutely agree with that though. But I but also I think when you and I are actually around each other, Jed, I think I become I become very golden retriever. Absolutely. The mask. You're very yeah, you're very yeah. Oh, don't say that.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:16

Well, moving on.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:17

I'm referring to your first not you. No, you missed what Jed said. You missed what dating apps, yes or heck no, yes. Never had one.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:28

I never had one either.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:29

I have learned to hate them.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:32

I I loved it because you know, like it gave you the opportunity to like be more specific and like for people to know what you're looking for as well. Too. You know what I mean? Like an app will at least get you access to queer people, yeah. Versus when you're meeting somebody in person. Although that number was told me.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:55

Um think you are no one's saying she literally met me when I was married to a man, and she goes, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:09

Yeah, she was like, Oh, you're like, let me help you with that.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:14

I'll take that one right here.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:17

She's like, she loves a challenge, but I think that's our family.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:21

Our family maybe I I I was other people's phases.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:27

You taught other people lessons.

SPEAKER_06 1:04:31

This may not define you, but you'll enjoy the ride.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:36

Do you guys have a type? Yes or no?

SPEAKER_06 1:04:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:39

Uh that's hard for me. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:41

Well, yeah, that's actually hard for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:43

Like as far as women.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:47

Uh as far as women, yes, I do have a specific type, but for men and for men and you know, people that don't uh identify um as either or um, I think it really just depends on person. Yeah, person and personality. Um my personality uh type is like someone who's outgoing and funny. Like that that will automatically you'll be attractive to me automatically if you can be like outgoing and funny and respectful though. You know what I mean? Like, I don't like like funny when you're like tearing people down funny kind of thing like that. That doesn't jibe well with me.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:26

She thinks I'm funny.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:27

Yeah. Do you like it?

SPEAKER_06 1:05:30

Well, somebody has somebody has to you get like okay, that's it.

SPEAKER_08 1:05:40

No, I hey.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:41

I came for Momo at the beginning of the podcast. Right. I gotta come for Lizette at the end. Anthony, you're not safe. That's how you know. No, I'm just joking. Yeah. And we are, we're all literally family. Do you text first or wait for them to text?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:55

Oh, I I don't ever text first.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:02

It's like people chase me, I don't chase them.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:07

The irony though is that was that proposed first then to me. So the irony there, she was like, hmm, I'm allowed to be.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:14

And she said, once I once I did that, I never have to text first ever again.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:20

You already know her take on pumping gas, Jake. So you know, once she's made up her time, that's it. Right. Yeah. Uh no, I'm definitely I'm a text first person for sure.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:29

You're a text first. I definitely would within two minutes. And if you don't text me back within the same amount of time, get too. Dang, that that date.

SPEAKER_09 1:06:38

Wow. Dead. We would not. Uh I'm a text first person. It's like I'm not here to play a game. I'm not here to do it. It's like if I'm interested, I'd be like, hey, I'm gonna say hi. I'm gonna be like, when can we hang out again and whatnot?

SPEAKER_10 1:06:50

Yeah. I had so much anxiety growing up that I would like, do I text first? Do I not? And then like before I knew it, like a week had passed, and I was like, I guess I didn't text first. I was like, and they didn't text either, so fuck them. But they were probably also like waiting. They probably, you know, you just can't have two not text first people connect because then it just no one's talking. What what is the biggest green flag to y'all? Employed.

unknown 1:07:19

Money.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:21

Money does not matter, and it shouldn't matter to that degree. I think that's crazy.

SPEAKER_10 1:07:25

Uh we talked about Jed and I talked about this, and I do think that not like you have to have money, but you do have to have a job. But you don't have it doesn't have to be like you're super rich and loaded, but like you still gotta survive, you still got bills to pay, and you still want a roof over your head, food on the table.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:43

Maybe more so of like the hustler mentality.

SPEAKER_09 1:07:46

It's like you're working towards something that's attractive to you.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:49

Yes, yeah. I think like you have to have some kind of like ambition. Like for me, it's like you have to be working towards something. Because I definitely like I was with people who like didn't have any dreams or aspirations in life, and I'm like, what are you like doing? Like, what are you gonna do with your life? You know, and like that, I think for me, like you have to have some kind of drive, some kind of ambition, some kind of goal, like in even if it's like short term, like something where you're working toward. Because I worked really hard to like enjoy waking up in the morning. So, like, I I need you to also like have that same energy, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:24

Mine is mine is being kind, like it, you know, kindness goes a long way, you know, and I think that it it reaches into like being empathetic, like also emotional intelligence, like it just it hits on so many other levels where you know, like just being able to express and show that feeling, uh, especially publicly, I think that is like really important for me. Like, that's a big green flag there.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:51

Mine's communication. Uh Chapo Run said it best. Her kink is karma. Mine is communication. Talk to me, tell me how you're feeling.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:00

A lesbian would be great. I would sound a lot.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:05

Whereas you have tried.

SPEAKER_09 1:09:07

I have tried this might seem a little weird, but it's like dogs have to like you. You don't necessarily have to be like a dog person or nothing, but it's kind of like if a dog doesn't like you, I'm not gonna trust you either.

SPEAKER_10 1:09:18

Yeah, that's fair. I think my biggest green flag is I guess it goes off with communication as well, but like a sense of vulnerability because I struggle sometimes to be vulnerable with certain people, but it you I was gonna say, um, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:37

Who are you and where have you been apparently?

SPEAKER_10 1:09:39

Y'all need to understand that like I have grown to allow y'all to be y'all broke down the wall, but yeah.

SPEAKER_05 1:09:50

There's like new no, you fought me for six words, I get now. He is in a face where she can show vulnerability, and that that just speaks about you, Jake. So I'm just I'm really proud of you, by the way. Thank you.

SPEAKER_10 1:10:05

Um, what's one one thing younger you would never believe about your life right now? I'm married to a woman.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:14

Oh, yeah, are you kidding? She literally said that in her wedding speech. I did, yeah. I did.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:21

I was I well, because I have a son, right? And so I was like, I always was scared for the day that somebody would bring another woman into his life, and here I am bringing another woman into his life.

unknown 1:10:34

It was me.

SPEAKER_05 1:10:36

I don't I don't know, actually. I think that I knew that I was always going to be here. Like I was always gonna be married. That was something that was really important for me. The person that I married, like the gender that I married was never like was never a thing for me. Um, I also knew that I was gonna have a kid, and so I do, you know, like I have everything that I knew that I wanted for sure. Which I feel very fortunate for.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:02

That you would have to pump gas all the time.

SPEAKER_06 1:11:05

You know what? That's it right there. I didn't think that I have to pump gas all the time. That's what younger me would have been like, she could pump her gas. Nope.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:15

Anthony? I think yeah, I think mine would be um like the attention. Uh when I was younger, I thought nobody would ever look at me. And there was a phase in my life where I was a lot larger, and then I became very active again. So I think I'd be surprised by the attention.

SPEAKER_09 1:11:34

That I'm a dad. Like always, you know, knowing I was gay, like for me, it was that was a thing that was never gonna happen for me. Because it's like, hey, uh, can't make a kid with two poles, but uh you can't tell. Just never ever thought that that would happen. Science. And yeah, you can't just like even my grandma, um, you know, God rest her and whatnot, she was like, You would be such an amazing dad. You know, you have all like great qualities, like all of these things, like everyone in my life being like, You're gonna be a great dad, and be like, um probably won't ever be one. Uh and then yeah, now it's like I have a I had a child that I'm responsible for, and it's wonderful and terrifying, you know, everything in between. But yeah, never thought that would happen for me.

SPEAKER_10 1:12:19

I never thought that I would get to this point in my life where I was genuinely happy with who I am. Because growing up was a very rough experience. And then having to go through what I went through being like queer, and then also being heavier. It's like you just like I felt like I had a lot of things against me and dealt with I have dealt with them over the last like few years. Going to therapy, we love we love therapy. I think everyone should go. Because it's just helpful to even have a third-party outside person just kind of there to bounce things off of. Um but yeah, so I just never thought that I would be genuinely happy with who I am as a person. Um, so that's something that that's where I'm at.

SPEAKER_11 1:13:16

But one word for younger you. What would you tell younger you? Self-sufficient. Persevere.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:27

I don't know. Um gay.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:33

That's what I mean. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06 1:13:35

That saved me a lot of money. Gay.

SPEAKER_09 1:13:38

Yeah, I just know instantly had a scene flash in my head. What is it from I think it's happy happy death day? Oh second, the girl dies and she just like walks up to a guy, goes, You are gay.

SPEAKER_10 1:13:51

Yeah, no, 100%. Um, I think mine would just be growth. Like, just you're you got this. Uh, final question. What does and momo, you kind of answered this a little bit before. I won't be answering this question. I'll answer this question on my fifth episode. Um, and actually, Jed, I won't have you answer this question either. We'll answer it at the end. But for Anthony, Momo, and Lizette, what does pride mean to you?

SPEAKER_05 1:14:21

To summarize, for me, pride means acceptance. Um and like being yourself.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:33

I think to me, pride means to create a space where anybody can be themselves around you.

SPEAKER_07 1:14:46

For me, pride means community. Take care of each other, be there for each other, show up and show out.

SPEAKER_10 1:14:51

Well, thank you guys for taking almost an hour and a half out of your busy schedule. Um, I appreciate the listeners for listening to our second episode of the Pride series, and that's a Pride combo. Anthony, do you have something to say?

SPEAKER_07 1:15:11

I was gonna say, can I say the outro?

SPEAKER_10 1:15:14

Sure. Let me just yeah. Wait, what's the outro for you?

SPEAKER_07 1:15:18

What's the outro?

SPEAKER_10 1:15:21

Oh, and that's a pot combo. Yes, I was like, um, but yes, so for this episode, definitely, if you are not uh following us on Patreon, you absolutely have to see the photo that Anthony uh showed all of us because it is adorable and also very telling and also very understanding as to who who he was and who he is. Um, but yes, I thank all of you guys once again um for even just being vulnerable. There it is, vulnerable enough to talk about these stories because I think that they are very important and I I want to I want to tackle these phases or these milestones or these these moments in time that I think just most people do go through. And I think we talked about it on the last podcast with Robbie that, for example, the coming out of the closet isn't just dedicated to just queer people, like there's hypermasculinity it that happens where, and then we talked about it on this episode where men aren't always able to really be vulnerable or be emotional or whatever have you, even straight men, you know? So I think this is just a great way to just get more um to highlight more of these moments that we go through. And so I really appreciate it. Follow us on Instagram at That's a Podcombo. And thank you all. Any final words?

SPEAKER_05 1:16:45

I just want to say, I just want to say thank you guys for um having this platform, using it uh for I feel like something that is really productive. I mean, I know that we talked about this beforehand, Jacob, of just like what your purpose and intention is of this podcast, but just just giving people voices, you know, um, and access um to just acceptance, you know, any all of these things. And also just giving people access to shoot the shit, you know, and just talk about whatever is a topic that you want to discuss, you know what I mean? And even though your podcast may not be for everyone, um that's okay. It's for someone and it's for us, and it's for your followers that you have. And so I just uh just really want to uh say thank you for that.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:37

And thank you for having us. We were honored to be asked, yeah, absolutely. Glad we made the cousins. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:17:47

I have so many gay ones to choose from. But all right, Anthony. Any final words?

SPEAKER_07 1:17:55

Should I take a page out of your book and be like, you're welcome for having me on your podcast?

SPEAKER_10 1:18:00

Absolutely. I have taught you well. No. Thank you for all right, Anthony. For all our listeners, Anthony's gonna take it away. And what's my popcorn though?